I am now an official entrant in this years Race for Life - specifically the Swindon event on July 12th. My running program is coming along nicely - I'm at the end of week 2 now so by July, 5km should be a piece of cake and I'd quite like to actually get a decent time as well!

Race for Life seemed like the perfect opportunity to both put my new running skills to the test and raise some pennies for a good cause, so should anyonly have anything spare for Cancer Research - even if its only a tiny amount - I'm greatly appreciate it.

You can sponsor me here - http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/stephiehall

I have NO sponsors at the time of writing! Who's gonna be first?

Much love
Steph

Message from a group working very hard on behalf of the THOUSANDS of people who are being screwed by the government. PLEASE support this campaign. Steph xx I've probably spammed most of you on facebook too - I don't do it very often but this is important.

UK residents only.

We need your support! After weeks of trying, we have finally managed to take our 'Justice is an Amnesty' campaign right into the Labour Party parlour, via their 'LabourSpace' website.

What is LabourSpace? Full details can be found on their site, but in their own words:

"Labourspace lets you quickly and easily set up a campaign and share your ideas with the Labourspace community. If you start a campaign which gains the most popular support your ideas will be bought to the attention of senior Labour politicians - your campaign could give you the opportunity to change the world!

You'll win if you have the idea with the highest net support (supporters - detractors)

All you need is to get the most support for your idea - it's all about people power really!"

No matter how you feel about the Government, this represents a fantastic opportunity to tell the Labour Party, as a whole, how we feel about Tax Credit overpayments. Not the Government itself, but the political party that funds their election campaigns and of which they are all members. So this is a whole new approach, and one with a tremendous amount of potential.

What do we need everyone to do? Easy. Click on the link to our LabourSpace campaign page, below, register on the site, and vote for our 'Justice is an Amnesty' campaign. (You need to register, then click through again and click the Thumbs Up symbol shown at the top)

Here's the link: http://www.labourspace.com/view_campaign?CampaignId=125

Then ask everyone you know to do the same, because this affects everyone who claims Tax Credits. If they haven't had an overpayment yet, it's only a matter of time.

We would rather that you didn't need our help in the future - so if we've helped you in the past, help us to put overpayments in the history books where they belong.

Thank you.

I ache. I made it to derby practise for the first time in four weeks and my god, I'm feeling it. I'd got seriously outa shape during my time away. Read all about it here - http://shiza-rebel.blogspot.com/

I've also got off my ass and Facebooked my skater self. I need fans. Tasty, tasty fans - add me here! Its kinda funny making a page for myself as an 'Athlete'. I'm hardly athletic but hey, I have a sport and a number and everything now.

I still ache.

In my non-skating life, work is... fine actually. I've now got all my new stock counted and listed and have a few days in which I'm supposed to be working on tutorials and kits before the next lot arrives. Its half term but Finn is in nursery (its private) and Cam is at my sisters until tonight, then tomorrow Cam AND Finn are off to my MILs until Sunday. That just leaves Darren & Jay at home and the 17 and 13 year olds are a lot easier to handle than the 5 and 2 year olds. So its looking like a pretty productive week. And at the weekend I'm down in Farnborough with my mum at a craft exhibitiion (as a punter, not an exhibitor) and Saturday night there may or may not be booze and karaoke at the home of two of our lovely roller girls.

I'm... quite a happy bunny, all in all.

Which I can now show you, the recipients having received their gifts :o)

I was pleased with them (while simultaenously seeing that I still have massive room for improvement. I don't mind that, gives me something to aim for)

I did make two necklaces as well, sadly I failed to take pictures of them or the poly clay chicken earrings I made for my sister. I shall attempt to rectify that in the next week (seeing both my mother and my sister within a week so will grab em then). Dax loved the chicken earrings :p

Anyway, without further ado, ( Here be Dragons! )

I've had a lot of fun making them and look forward to improving my technical ability a lot in the next year :o)

Polymer Cafe is the leading (and only!) magazine for polymer clay artists. Its a US publication but read worldwide (if by a somewhat niche audience).

And I appear to have met my not-quite-a-resolution from the beginning of 2008 by getting something published in it (I think the resolution was more to do with my regular jewellery in jewellery mags but this comes close :o) plus its the only thing I've submitted all year so thats cool), namely a picture in the reader gallery (I should point out the reader gallery tends to be damn good artists - I'm obviously a novice by comparison, especially given that my mask has been placed next to possibly the most accomplished polymer clay sculptress in the world. Les Polinko is amazing).

( Either way - lookie here! )

...a vile green tshirt

I predicted a tshirt I wouldn't wear, a dvd I wouldn't watch and a book I wouldn't read as my first wins

Good to see I'm right on track :p

Vile green tshirt below (OK it would be fine on some people but the only colour worse than that for me is yellow. which is ON it.)

Anyone want a free tshirt?  Its about a 14-16 womens

A week (and a bit) in the world of comping.

It would be a scary place for the more naive. In addition to the usual bequeathed fortunes from dead Arabian princes and Spanish Eurolottery wins, I'm also getting slightly more persuasive and sinister attempts to part me with my cash. The phone call telling me I'd won a £500 day of makeover and photoshoot was an easy spot in that there's no way on this earth I'd have entered a competition for such. And lo and behold, when I googled the relevant company (Coverlook Studios for the curious)  their particular brand of scam is to offer this makeover and photoshoot and make it very difficult to leave without purchasing photographs. Plus of course their request for a £30 deposit per person is a bit of a giveaway. 'Prize' means 'FREE' in my book.

Then there was CLC Travel who called to say 'you've won a holiday for 4 in Spain, the Canaries or Portugal. Can I check you're under 60 and not gay? Great! Just ring this number!' Errr... no, I don't think that sounds quite right either so back to google and yep - I'm spot on and its a timeshare company. If I'd called the number I was given I'd have been invited to a 'prize giving ceremony' which would actually have ben a hard-sell timeshare presentation. They have a reputation for buggering up the holiday dates (after you've paid a fee for your 'free' holiday) and if you do get out there, you get the hard sell over there too. The 'competition notifyer' guy was less than amused when he rang back and I politely declined to be involved in a timeshare scam. Apparently I'm a 'weirdo'. Very professional (and hey, I AM a weirdo. Not the best insult for me!).

Add to that that my spam (real company spam that is, not viagra and hot nekkid babes) has gone through the roof and you can see why people might get disheartened but I shall soldier boldly onward and continue to live in hope. This is my new favourite internet place, if only because it shows people DO win! http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.html?f=73

These made me laugh
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/picturegalleries/2969190/Sign-language-week-16.html

Yes I look horrendously fat. I AM horrendously fat. But I LOVE my new tshirt.

Bought to celebrate a successful end to 'anyone who thinks the LHC will destroy the world is a twat' week.

Geoff wants one with PHYSICIST across the front to match :p
That would be more sad if he wasn't a nuclear physicist

fanks go to ginasketch for the idea!

They've been bugging me for a good month now. Constant headaches across the forehead and tops of eyes. And they were concerning me - I don't get headaches generally - I had constant hadaches for years then made changes that pretty much eliminated them - lots of liquid, good lighting, decent distance on computer screen etc. So when they  came back I was a bit pissed off.

First check was eyes. Turns out I do actually need glasses but only for exceedingly close up things - things that would't be a problem for people who don't work with very tiny things. But my headaches continued getting worse, not better, So being the google addict I am I did some research into causes of headaches. None seemed particularly likely until BAM - there it was.

Frickin allergies. What most people would call hayfever (its not, hayfever is specifically an allergy to grass pollen). I know damn welll I get autumnal hayfever. I'm allergic to moss spores, mould spores, funghi spores - things that are an issue in cool, damp weather. But other than slight itchiness at the back roof of my mouth it hadn't been bothering me.Except taking antihistimines cleared up my weeks long headache within an hour - so I'm thinking sinus headache caused by allergens. When I went to the opticians, he commented that my eyes looked like someones who had high blood pressure (I get checked regularly for medical reasons and I'm ALWAYS on the low end of normal). But I bet swollen sinuses can cause the same physical appearance of external pressure. Also explains why they were worse on waking, not better - our bedroom is really damp (to the point where it rains inside the window - we need to get the facsia replaced).

My eyes are still a little sore - I suspect a month of external sinus pressure has left them a little tender but hopefully now I've identified a probable and treatable cause that will clear up quickly.

Apparently it was misplaced of me to be worried about Darren going to school on the bus for the first time.

Apparently little Darren probably wasn't huddled in his seat crapping himself about his brand new school and whether or not the big kids would be mean to him. Apparently it was exceedingly unlikely that he'd get on the wrong bus or miss his stop and end up lost and afraid in central Bristol.

However just because little Darren is almost 17 and  5'11 with turquoise hair and a pierced eyebrow doesn't mean he's not MY BABY anymore!

So There :p

Edit:

I wouldn't usually point people over to Little Darren's journal but his ex school (and Jay's current school) have really outdone themselves this time. Have a read of this (ignore the spelling, he's dyslexic).

*Egg & Spoon certificate... those ones they give out to the fat kids for 'participating' in school sports days.

Cept when I was in primary school it was top three or nothing. Whatever happened to competitive spirit?

It may not actually be just participation. Fire mountain like to REALLY drag out their competitions and winners aren't actually notified until almost a year after submissions go in.

I'm suitably gratified by an egg & spoon certificate anyway. It has goldy coloured edging around it and everything.



And here's me in my glasses. They're not actually the frames I requested but *shrugs* would rather have them than have to wait another week while they changed em.

x posted from ginasketch 's blog comments (just a little competition on worst embarrassing teen pics)

( horrid pics... )

And just for comparison, this one of Geoff and I was taken a week or so ago

*grins* I can't be the only Brit (or Aussie) pissing myself laughing at this, right?

So which mate wants pleasuring?

Its a one-time offer... THIS MONTH ONLY!

The first day in over 6 weeks that ALL of my children will be at school.

Bliss.

No fighting, no banging, no yelling, no constant phone calls and door knocks and dogs barking, no whining or screaming or crying or demanding.

They're - All - Going - Away

I realise this isn't very exciting for the vast majority of you in that my LJ friends list has a bizarre lack of other parents, but I think its pretty damn awesome. I will celebrate my child free status by... errm continuing to kick worky arse mainly. Maybe fixing the kids shower.

In other news, I am now the proud owner of specs for super-close-up and as expected, they transform a tired looking, grey-haired, aging woman into an excitingly sexy, super-intelligent vixen.

No, really.

Please?

As my 16 year old would say

Was just chatting to him in his room and he proudly showed of his t-shirt emblazened with the legend 'Brainy Bloke'. I rolled my eyes disparagingly and say 'christ, its the sort of thing my brother would wear' with an air of utter disdainful amusement.

Darren points at my chest and says 'no, its the sort of thing you would wear'

My tshirt says 'All This And Brains'

Whoops :p

The weekend was spent working on beads & pendants, despite my assertations that making beads when one sells beads for a living is a bit.... empty. Turns out making beads to match funky pendants you just made is actually quite fun.

Either way I finally got round to putting some of the beads and a pendant together into a necklace last night. Personally I love it, its exceedingly funky and unique but I guess its maybe something of a love-it-or-hate-it piece. Art isn't mine but it is fine to use in my jewellery. I need to work on my beadmaking technique though (or just spend a little more time and care getting the beads cut and holed straight, they're a tad wonky)

Pinched from ginasketch

Go over to Wikipedia and enter your birth date (month/day) and then pick 3 events, 2 births (other than your own, silly) and 1 holiday that occurred on the day of your birthday.

Damn, my birth ain't in there. Yet :p These three were the most interesting (and non horrible!) things on my birthday

Events

1903 - The Wright Brothers make their first powered and heavier-than-air flight in the Wright Flyer at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina.

1969 - Project Blue Book: The USAF closes its study of UFOs, stating that sightings were generated as a result of "A mild form of mass hysteria, Individuals who fabricate such reports to perpetrate a hoax or seek publicity, psychopathological persons, and misidentification of various conventional objects."

1999 - The United Nations General Assembly passes resolution 54/134 designating November 25 as the annual International Day to Eliminate Violence Against Women. (hmmmm...)


Births

• 1770 - (Baptism) - Ludwig van Beethoven, German composer (d. 1827)
• 1964 - Ginger, English singer and guitarist (The Wildhearts) (I thought Geoff would be slightly tickled by that!)

Also I'm apparently exactly the same age as Milla Jovovich. She's aging better than I am though :p
Holidays
International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers

What I dun today...

So... everything still chugging along in Stephieworld. Kids still on holiday, Geoff still working extra hours, Steph still flogging a dead horse hoping that business will pick up after the summer hols are done and eating far too much junk food. There is still way to much of the kids summer break left and Cam has had enough of being at Auntie Daxi's - as of tonight, all four children are home. And just to add that extra kick in the balls, I have apparently got Cam's friend Geri here Thursday and possibly definitely overnight to Friday.

The good news is that the inlaws are collecting Cam a week today and taking him to theirs. Geoff and I are taking Finn down to join him on (I think) the 23rd and staying for a couple of days. I don't want to go down and stay. But then we'll have the rest of that week almost entirely kid free - Jay will be going to daxi's and Jan is taking darren off to a geekfest. I am looking forward to that brief stretch of bliss.

I honestly didn't think people really thought like this any more

Read the comments

OK... so here's some of what I've been up to over the last week or two (in addition to the dragons I already posted)

Its been a while - I plead broken fingers - but I have a new tutorial up on the site. As always, nitpicking constructive criticism appreciated before I put it up on the work blog!

Meh, its 3.30 in the morning and I'm up and about. Again. I am really not sleeping much or well at the minute.

I do have a bunch of pictures though. First is, believe it or not, my arm just above the elbow. Something bit or stung me when I was out escaping the five year olds birthday party walking Sabre yesterday. I was keeping it under control yesterday with bite & sting cream but 4 hours of sleep with no reapplications and it was back to its natural state when I woke. Its also burning hot.

OK so half-skiving off work for a few days does not a vacation make but I've been having fun. I've sketched a bit, made some poly clay beads & pendants, painted a picture and this morning I woke up and wondered if I could sculpt dragons. Turns out I can.

I haven't finished my sketch of lana chick yet and I haven't taken pics of the beads & pendants but I HAVE taken a pic of my dragon! He's very sweet. I've also made his missus but she's not baked yet. At some point soon I'll get around to photographing everything else, for now, meet Copernicus.

And bloody hell, its hot today

She lay, wide eyed in the dark and prayed to God that Santa would come that night. Carols were songs to make Him happy at Christmastime, celebrating the birth of His son and she quietly sung every song she could think of. She liked 'O Come All Ye Faithful' best, unlike her contemporaries who tended towards the gentler tunes of 'Away In A Manger' and 'Silent Night'. She kept her voice low so as not to disturb her mother who, she thought, probably wouldn't understand. Her mum said God wasn't real and that Christians were people who needed to believe in something big because they felt so small and helpless themselves. Strong people, she said, believed in themselves and didn't need an imaginary God.

Cara usually agreed with her mum, indeed had argued long and hard with her eight year old peers who had been brought up with those beliefs deeply ingrained but tonight she thought maybe she could feel Him and wasn't taking any chances. Her mum also said that Santa didn't come for naughty girls and she was naughty so often that Daddy hated her. He had been out when she went to bed, but she knew by morning he would be asleep, engulfed with a pungent mixture of alcohol and tobacco scents. They had to be quiet when Daddy was sleeping or he'd wake and shout, bloodshot eyes and reeking breath hitting as hard as his hand, or worse, the thick leather belt he wore.

She supposed they would have to wait until Daddy woke up before they could go downstairs and open their gifts in the morning. She'd have to make sure Jenny was quiet until then. She glanced at where she knew her smaller sister slept soundly, the four year old girl angelic awake or sleeping and smiled. They'd looked out the skylight window at the top of the stairs before finally going to bed and Cara had pointed, exclaiming in feigned awe that she could see Santa's sleigh travelling across the starlit sky. It had taken very little convincing before her sister excitedly agreed that she could see it too and Jenny had gone to sleep happy in the knowledge that Santa would come.

Gently, hopefully, Cara drifted off to sleep.

The morning came and she opened her eyes to cold, grey light. The sun had not yet risen but the impending dawn gave her just enough to see by and she rolled over swinging her legs out of bed before halting abruptly, before her feet touched the floor, mouth open in wonder. Before her, propped against the wall where it leaned precariously, yet still beautiful beyond her wildest dreams was a full size Sindy house. She stood up, peering inside the rooms and marvelling that it was as tall as she was. She'd hoped, she'd begged, but her mother had insisted that the expensive toys were beyond their means.

Cara knew that Mum didn't really approve of Sindy,  regarding the perfect, plastic beauty of her dolls with disdain approaching disgust. Women, she said, were not supposed to look like that, skinny and sleek with perpetually perfect makeup and a false smile. But Cara loved her dolls,  envied their beauty, their pretty clothes and their imaginary lives. And now her dolls had somewhere to live, complete with plastic furniture and fake pot plants. There was marks on some of the pieces and a chair was missing a leg. Second hand, she realised. Not that that made the gift any less impressive but she would have to be careful that her friends didn't find out, they already teased her for her hand-made clothes and unkempt appearance. She knew they'd spoil her beautiful house if they found out, telling her she was a poor scruffbag who couldn't afford better.

Today though, she wouldn't think about that.

"Jenny, Jenny!". Her small sister opened her eyes sleepily, vivid green squinting up at the bigger girl. "Jenny, wake up. Santa's been!".

My week that is.

As my sister pointed out earlier, one is only a hypochondriac if there's nothing wrong with you. In much the same way as you're not paranoid if people ARE actually out to getcha.

So... on the advice of my GP I spent several hours sitting around in a depressing and souless A&E dept yesterday afternoon. The result... we aren't really sure if your fingers are broken, we'll ring you and let you know if they are. Keep em elevated and don't use them for a couple of days.

And if they are broken... don't use them and keep them elevated for a couple of days

And if they develop an infection... you are cordially invited to come back and waste another four hours of your limited lifespan sitting around in our souless and depressing A&E department. I'm sure my GP could handle an infection though.

So... I'm now a jeweller with arthritic fingers, two of which are broken and useless. On my RIGHT hand. Bummer. I'm like alcohol free beer, impotent and flaccid, failing to accomplish my primary purpose in life which appears to be to piss about being vaguely arty with zero talent and no staying power. I'm sure I have a streak of ingenuity and originality of thought bordering on brilliance. Its a shame I never managed to come up with an outlet for it. Ho hum.

I don't get alcohol-free beer. Not only does it taste shite (y'know, being beer) but you can't even get pissed on it. I've never tested but I bet I'm still allergic even without the alcohol (I'm very allergic to actual lager. Somewhat amusingly in that I'm pissed after half a pint (I can drink all night on other stuff... its definitely a reaction to beer!).

Maybe my true calling was to produce a tribe of sons for a viking raider, a task for which I appear to be admirably physically suited. Given the err... tribe of sons. And I suppose with a bit of imagination, Geoff could be seen as a descendant of Viking raiders. Geoff the Physicist, son of Ulric the Destroyer. Or something... Sadly my mental capabilities do not appear to mesh very well with my physical capabilities. Speaking of viking raider husbands, you get VERY funny looks if you go into a hospital and say 'I tripped and fell' to explain your sausage-esque broken fingers. It appears to be code-phrasology for 'my git of a husband beats me and slams doors on my hands'. I spent quite some time saying 'no, honestly, I'm just REALLY fricking clumsy'.

Still, illegitimi non carborundum and all that. I'm sure I can find something with which to occupy myself for the next couple of days that doesn't involve the use of my right hand. Errr... dunno what though. Thinking isn't generally too sensible a passtime for me. I'm incapable of sitting on my arse watching daytime TV. Or much of any TV. Realistically I'm likely to largely ignore hospital advice and carry on as much as I can. I can't bend the dead fingers but I can type and use a mouse which means I can basically work as normal. As long as I don't try using jewellery pliers which, as I discovered yesterday, fucking HURTS.

I'm very bored. Is it showing?

ETA: I got more bored. This community might be decent once the suddent spotlit-influx of erm... *can't think of a Polite* slows a bit - its a daily writing prompt (so good for those of us who like to write but never ever get round to doing it without a kick up the arse).

teachers that is. Now I've never got on with the vast majority of teachers, whether my own back in ye olde days, or those of my kids. They tend to rub me up the wrong way and be lovers or order and rules. I on the other hand am... chaotic at best and my priorities in life tend not to have 'be a sheep' right at the top of the most important stuff to do list.

Yet again, a teacher has managed to demonstrate that admirably enduring skill of being a self important twat. Mainly for my amusement, here is the note I sent in with jay this morning, sarky git teacher's response, and my response to him....

Turns out there is something worse than being a jeweller with arthritis who spends large amounts of her time putting itty-bitty-componants into itty-bitty-bags.

Its doing it having slammed your two MOST arthritic finger joints into concrete paving with the full force of your not inconsiderable weight behind it.

Damn I hurt. I'm assuming that I haven't actually fractured anything in that I can move the joints in question but my fingers are fucking swollen, bruised, painful and skinned.

My legs ain't pretty either. But I don't need my legs as much...

(for interested parties, I somewhat clumsily tripped in the garden and went crashing down amidst my plantpots)

The weekend was... largely blurry actually although I'm certain that the weekend did in fact occur. I don't remember much other than going out last night with nuclear_powered and thoughtfulwolf for a celebratory 1-week-sans-fags meal (on Jan which was very much appreciated!)

It used to be the case that barely-there, hazy recollections meant the weekend had involved lots of fun, alcohol and sex.

Now it just means I'm old and stressed...

Seriously, I'm beginning to see why a pool in the garden actually LOWERS the value of a property.

Pool engineers were out last week to open up the pool after winter and fit the pool cover fixings. They said 'leave it a few days with the filter running, take the cover off and it should be almost clear'

Instead, the pool pump/filtering system appears to be very much non working in that the water ain't circulating or filtering *sigh*.

So just rang the pool people again. Sadly, if any major repairs are needed, I'm screwed (the nearest symptom match I could find in the troubleshooting guide suggests a split pipe UNDERGROUND which will cost a small fortune to fix which I can't afford).

Saying that the pool had the advantage of lowering this house to a price that was just within out can-afford limit and we would never have found somewhere this big within our price rnge otherwise (5 bed, 3 rec)

Plus... anyone got any ideas about how a lady of negotiable sanity can manage extra income? To be honest, the current climate is a killer for my business. Sterling and Swarovski are luxury items within the crafting arena and the entire frickin country is feeling the pinch at the moment. Its actually probably a GOOD thing for sellers of plated metal and glass 'crystal' in that all those people who can no longer afford my posh stuff still need to indulge their hobby and will do it with inexpensive stuff instead.

The logical move would be to switch to selling less upmarket stuff for a while. However thats woefully impractical on a financial front - I can't afford to redo my stock. I can't even afford to restock my stock. I am, in a nutshell, a bit fucked. I'm committed a hell of a lot of time, energy and CASH into this line of business and I don't really see much choice other than to weather the storm and hope it breaks soon (although if it does, I suspect some of my competition will have vanished).

Anyone read financial predictions? Any idea how long I have to grin & bear it for?

So... I could kinda feel myself slipping downwards after waking up with stabbing pains in my knee and my wrist and a bloody sore neck and fingers. The same stabbing pains I've been blithely ignoring for months (or in the case of my knee, for years. Same with my hip when that gets going). But they've suddenly got a whole new meaning.

"Lets get this into perspective" I thought to myself, and typed in 'living with arthritis' into google, expecting lots of happy stories about how it wasn't all doom and gloom and a steadily worsening prognosis. But no, typing that in gets you lots of articles on how to cope with the worsening pain, loss of mobility, benefits because you can no longer work, and dealing with the stigma of having an 'old person's' disease whilst still young.

Bollocks.

I can't deny that it scares the hell out of me. I wonder if everyone panics this much when they're told they have a form of arthritis? I'm a craftsperson and an artist, I communicate with a keyboard and on the rare occasions we escape, I like climbing up hills and scrambling over rocks on rivers on holiday. Even photography requires steady hands. And I can expect all those things to become increasingly more difficult.

Worse, I don't know that anyone really gets how I'm feeling. My mother's response was a typically unthinking 'well you'll just have to get on with it' (although she's been somewhat more 'concerned' since then, probably feeling guilty coz me sister mentioned just how much this is scaring me). I'm feeling very alone, no-one really knows what to say I suspect. You can't say 'you'll feel better soon' because I won't, you can't say 'you'll look back on this and laugh' because I won't. So no-one says anything.

meh

Just back from the docs.

The two most important things to me - for both my work and my LIFE are my brain and my hands. Now we already know my brain is fucked. Its looking like my hands are too - doc thinks osteoarthritus and blood tests will test for any specific reasons / causes for it but the diagnoses has been made on basis of symptoms and that she can feel little nodules of bone where there shouldn't be any... *sigh*

Neck pain may or may not be related but have been prescribed anti-inflamatories which should help both the neck and the hands (and the knees) feel a bit better and I got the distinct impression that prescription was a 'welcome to the rest of your life' moment. Osteoarthritus is a degenerative condition - its only gonna get worse. And I need my effing hands.

Also being referred for a scan to check for ovarian cysts (again). Stupid things. This will be the third time I've had such removed.

Never let fear of falling stop you trying to fly
Be yourself, not who others excpect you to be
Help where you can, but don't make promises you know you can't keep
Trust your intuition, its usually right
Admit you're fallible
Honesty is usually the best policy
Learning to apologise makes you a better person, not a shameful one.
and
No-one ever had "I wish I'd spent more time at the office" engraved on their headstone.

Online voting has begun for one of my necklace entries. Not many competitions are public voted but this one is. I'm by no means the best there but I do stick a hell of a lot closer to the theme (Channelling Cinderella) than many entries. And I'm unique :o). Should you feel like voting, passing it on or whatever, entries are here and mine is on the final page, number 64. Bigger picture under the cut below.

This was actually written in response to Jan's comment on an earlier thread but I thought the finished response merited its own post. Jan said (broadly in response to why we say 'fine' as a response to 'how are you' regardless of whether we are fine):


It's a very interesting issue you raise, saying 'fine' is one that I'm particularly guilty of (though with some people and you in partiular its progressed to 'the usual', which isn't fine but just is).

I remember reading that responding to a "how are you" question with honesty was one of the examples of over literalism in autistism...but really it shouldn't be, its a question with both an honest and a deflecting answer.

Of course I'm sure with some people that kind of question is just an empty response, but it doesn't have to be.


Stephie sez (bearing in mind that at 4.30am which is when I started writing, there is a distinct possibility of utter bullshit)...

I almost think its a continuing result of an increasingly scattered society structure and the increasing importance of appearances - which are, I would think, even more pronounced in a society where 99% of the people most people come into contact with are casual aquaintances at best. Its all about posturing and bluffing and... trickery which in itself is probably something we'd be far less inclined to so in more closely knit societal groups.

My thoughts on the Future of mankind (or at least the future of Britishkind) are still a half formed hypothesis that broadly points towards the re-introduction of more localised societies. Rising fuel prices and depleting supplies are a major driving force here, bearing in mind that the rising cost of natural resources puts the price of everything up - not just personal travel. We're seeing that with food costs right now, all of a sudden the cost of production and transport of goods originating in far off countries is rising. Not just due to fuel - I think increasing awareness of the poor conditions of foreign workers has probably played a part. Fair trade is fashionable and rising in popularity. Local produce also the same - 10 years ago you'd be hard pushed to find something in a major supermarket proudly proclaiming it was made in Gloucestershire or Britian whereas now you get a fair bit as supermarkets have caught onto the publics desire for fresh, local produce. I think that started as somewhere between fashion and patriotism with a bit of GM fear thrown in but will continue to escalate as imported produce becomes less realistic - particularly imported fresh produce. So we'll continue to see the growth of localised food supplies.

Moving slightly away, we're now into the second generation of internet communicators. Those who have had exposure to such their entire lives. At the minute they're still laregly teenagers or younger, but at some point, I think there will be a shift in that generation back towards the value of human, f2f contact. The novelty factor isn't there, the disadvantages are evident so what will they be teaching their children? I'm going to predict that, with the 'travel to see people' culture becoming increasingly too expensive for the vast majority of us, there WILL be a move back towards living near those who matter to us and more integrated, friendly communities. At the risk of moving into slightly Marxist territory.... I wonder how many people in my street own an electric drill? A lawnmower? A carpet cleaner? I'd put money on their being muliples but WHY? Why haven't we got a loan-share scheme going where others resources are communally shared? Whats the point of 20 different houses having the same infrequent use items? Its a waste of money and resources. We're starting to see that sort of effect with car share schemes - but how many people still make their entire journey to work in their own car, alone? Again a total waste of resources and environmentally damaging.

I'm not neccessarily saying that localised communities will be a good thing. I can think of some distinct disadvantages - xenophobia and insularity (is that a word?) are definite possible downsides.

I also think we're seeing moves towards it now. Advertisers are picking up on people's desire for contact - phone companies and the 'closer' gum ad spring to mind as immediate examples although there are more that currently escape me (I don't watch much TV!). Even the ridiculous reality tv fad points towards a craving for human understanding and contact outside the superficial. Not so much the Big Brother type bitch-shows but little ones like house makeovers, debt profile/help programs and dietary & psych fly-on-the-wall type shows. I think they're watched not so much to point and laugh but because people want to relate to other people, to draw inspiration and ideas and a feeling of empathy that is no longer particularly permissable in 'real' contact.

Just my thoughts. I'd like to hear anyone elses

Very image heavy - these are the pics from Saturday's walk. You might wanna open it and wander off to do something else for a few mins while they load.
( Weekend photos )

OK... so I'm thinking. It happens occasionally.

Bear in mind I see things from the viewpoint of... a societal observer. People interest me. How they behave, how they interact, how they think. But I missed a good 5 years of young adult/early adulthood social development. Whether that skews my judgement or gives me clarity I don't know. But we, as a society lie all the time. Lying generally is viewed as bad so we give it cute or respectable names like fibbing, white lies and tactfulness.

When was the last time someone asked you how you were, and you replied 'good', 'fine' or 'I'm OK' when you really weren't? I'm not just talking about those of us with fucked up psyches, just people generally. Why do we do that? What purpose does it serve? I'm... generally pretty honest to the point of bluntness but I still do it some of the time. Others, I'll say "actually, I'm pretty crap" and feel apologetic for doing so. So the logical assumption there is that we feel that saying 'not fine' is somehow putting a burden on the askee whereas in reality (and here I DO speaketh from experience) saying what you feel makes you feel better (in my case it frequently acts as a logical explanation for reserved or awkward behaviour). It also stops the other person feeling like they may have said something to piss me off. And perhaps gives them an opening to insert their own 'real' how are they without feeling guilty themselves. And... talking about a problem makes you feel better. It doesn't need to be in depth, just admitting a problem can help. So if we all answered the 'how are you' question honestly, all the time, we'd be a happier (and hippier) society.

Understanding each other makes for better social interaction and facilitates mutual help and support. But there are times when we tell ourselves that the little white lies are a good thing because they make the person feel good about themselves. Lets take... art and writing (because I've done both myself to varying degrees). Waving something in front of someone and them telling me its awesome makes me feel good but doesn't help me improve myself. I have never produced anything perfect and so there is always a place for constructive criticism (unless the person waving stuff at me is a small child in which case its automatically fabulous). My friends list is choc o block full of artists, crafters and writers so tell me guys, would you rather have adoration, or suggestions for improvement? "The central figure is amazing but the background could perhaps do with a little more detail" or "Its a great concept for a story but I think you've gone overboard on the adjectives in this section and repeated youself a little over here". Personally constructive criticism is something I place a huge amount of value in.

It also seems that the more important the issue and the more significant the askee, the more likely we are to lie about it. I'm going to use Geoff herre because its a perfect and repeatable example of such. I'm not shy about admitting we have massive financial problems (and thats another one people lie their arses off about) and neither is he - except when it comes to his father (who is probably the one person in the universe who could offer practical help if he so desired). And geoff HATES lying to his parents, yet he does this one every single time they visit. Presumably because he's either embarrassed to admit failure, or ashamed of his wife's behaviour (yes debt is mainly my fault). We talk about eating humble pie as though its something thats difficult to choke down, but why should it be? Absolutely no-one goes through life without fucking up somewhere along the line, indeed fuckups are one of the true human constants that make us all able to relate to each other so why spend so much effort hiding them?


hmmmm musings over for now

We noticed a couple of days ago that there was a monster from the deep rising from the depths of our pond pool to snack on waterboatmen. We spotted him again today, desperately trying to get out and being unable to do so (poor thing musta been knackered - they need to rest and breath air!). So I came up with the bright idea of leaving the pool net in the edge of the pool where he could climb on it and rest - and not get out again so we could rehome him. And it worked! a few hours after putting it there he was sitting on the net so I scopped him into a bucket, took a couple of pictures and went and rehomed him in one of the tiny streams nearby (we do actually intend sorting out and chlorinating our pool in the near future so not a good place for him to live really). He was very good sitting on my hand to have his picture taken - I did only take a couple coz I figured the poor thing probably just wanted to go lie down somewhere. Small kids were very impressed.

I actually think he was a toad not a frog but I am open to correction on this!

This one made me laugh

OK... finally finished the webby. More or less. It won't ever actually be 'finished' of course, but its ready to go live. Technically it IS live, I just have yet to start promoting it.

Anyway, its here - comments/constructive criticism welcome!

Yes its pink. Look past the pink :p My customers like spangly, sparkly and  pink stuff, its what I specialise in.

Yes it has a ridiculously large number of product categories. Thats pretty normal and expected (and useful) for my product range.

I'm bloody knackered. Callie was back at the vets for a checkup this morning so I walked her down and back  (she's doing much better, thanks for the well wishes :-) plus dog walker not walking dogs today so I took her and Sabre out just before lunch. It being geeknight I've been cleaning, plus finishing the website. And there are two lovely blokes in my garden doing an amazing job with my overgrown conifers. They're been going at it non stop since 9am. Just need to finish the decking and get the pool sorted and I'll have a garden to be proud of. Not that I've ever been particularly houseproud (or, lets face it, at ALL houseproud) but a garden with a swimming pool is pretty cool.

Small beasties are being shipped off to play at Auntie Daxies tomorrow (geoffs away for a couple of days and they'll be much happier there!) so it should be a nice weekend, especially if the weather keeps up and I can actually finish my bloody decking & fences.

Phew!

Its been tough going but I now have all the stock quantities and discounts update on the webby. A few minor modifications (a couple of hours, max) and it will be ready to go live tonight.

Damn, I'm good :p

And tired.

So either way I'm taking a slight break from webby work to have a copy and offload my camera pics before starting on today's packing. So here's a selection of pictures of various things taken in the last few days...



I'm getting closer to getting a kingfisher pic! I saw one today half a mile closer to home than I've ever spotted one before AND he stopped briefly on a branch before flying off. I'm sure if I just sat down there for a couple of hours I'd get a picture...

Hmmmm I ended up losing yesterday as well, mainly with worrying over callie. For the first time EVER I was more worried when my pet was post surgery than before. Every other time any of the cats or dogs has been un for surgery the after-surgery has been a massive relief.

Callie spent all of last night from when we brought her home just lying in bed looking miserable. Poor baby. However at 4am she's looking a bit brighter, has just eaten her dinner and drunk a gallon of water. Unfortunately she's also trying to scratch at her stitches so Geoff is going to need to swing by the vets at 8am and grab a lampshade for her I think. It did occur to me that my picture of her head with stitches is actually a perfect candidate as a b&w picture. Most things don't work too well in b&w, you really need extremes of light and dark for it to work. But this does. In a kind of RSPCA (animal welfare for those of you outside the UK!) ad way. Lookie



Either way thats ended up as two days running when nothing has been accomplished here.
 I'm seriously considering just writing off today work-wise as well and  going outside and painting my fences and decking or something. Probably better than spending another day staring aimlessly at my computer. The break might help remotivate me as well and get my head sorted as to what actually needs doing which it isn't at the minute. My mind is all scattered.

:-(

You know, for a seemingly innocuous question, this one really made me think.

I'm not really getting excited about anything at the minute. which in one way is a good thing - for me, excitement frequently means I'd mid manic episodes which can lead to Very Bad Stuff happening. In another its all a bit blah. I don't like not being passionate and firey and absorbed, it feels weird and empty. But nothing's really grabbing my attention at the minute. I'm pretty much stable and kinda... plodding. In fact I'm feeling almost like a middle class, white, 30-something wife, mother and businessperson which frankly, is terrifying in the extreme in a someone-shoot-me-in-the-head-right-now kinda way.

Still, these periods tend to be good for sensible business buildup so I'll take advantage of it and keep plodding until something else comes along.

I was kinda bored and cooped up so I dragged Geoff out for a wander round the back of our street. I do like living where we do, its quite country without being too remote. So here's our walk in pictures. I figure if I keep taking pictures of stuff more than an inch across, eventually I'll get good at it...
( Lotsa pics )
And all within a 5 minute walk of my home.

I have possibly been a tiny bit morose and melancholy (with a tiny touch of psycho killer bitch) over the last few days but am feeling rather better today. I slept lots last night which helps. So today I am going to share some pictures. Firstly I've been making lolcats over at icanhascheezburger.com/

Shadow

( More pics! )

Who said I'm being kept from it :-)

OK so my dream job is actually designing as my primary form of income rather than selling bits for other people's designs, but I do a fair bit of design work and am actively working at increasing it. I might bitch and moan a lot - and they're quite legitamate  moans - but they tend to be panic! money! related rather than I-hate-my-job related. I love my job and another year of working in the direction that I am and I'll be doing enough design that my cool job becomes my dream job.

So, I just got up - and look what I saw!



Thats the view from the kitchen window. I live in the frickin South West of England. And its APRIL. We  don't get snow here! Earlier this week I was out walking the dogs in a t-shirt in the pleasantly warm sunshine... and now this. Gotta love england. Holly was less than impressed. She's our youngest cat at about 20 months and I'm not sure she's ever seen lying snow before. She took one look when I opened the window for her to go out then turned round and marched back to bed where she's currently sleeping.

Everyone else is going to be ultra excited. My kids were all brought up 'dahn sarf' (a large portion of it in London, where it snows even less) and Geoff of course is from South London. Personally, whilst I begrudgingly agree that its quite pretty to look at from the inside, I bloody hate going out in the stuff, mainly due to growing up in the north east where we not only got snow, we got bloody great 10 foot snowdrifts...

Cam is awake and ULTRA excited though which is cute :-)

My brain has now officially melted after spending yesterday relentlessly going through my ebay listings in the hope of actually making enough money to pay my VAT bill at the end of the month. Its possibly the most boring thing I could be doing. And it was Saturday! I'm sposed to not work on Saturdays! I did get through everyhing I wanted to (by 2am) and I'm going to avoid work today if it kills me. Except for answering customer queries, ebay buyers not known for their patience.

I did get my photos CD on friday, but haven't yet got round to looking at it (yes, I've been working that hard!) o shall take a look at that today. And play with pretty things and let my head recover from the cruel and relentless ordeal it was put through yesterday (seriously - going through some 600 ebay templates and individually making sure that each and everyone was up and selling where it should be - a lot of shifting shop listings to buy now listings - is brain numbing in the extreme)

This week (and next) is the Easter Holidays (yes I know its not easter - they moved the school break because Easter was so early this year) so Cam, Darren and Jay are all home for 2 weeks *sigh*. Could be worse, Finn is still in school (as he's below school age and therefore in a private nursery) but I'm not looking forward to it. My kids have an annoying tendancy to go out of their way to wind each other up, fight and make endless noise.


Late edit...

It occured to me that as there's actually snow on them, I probably ought to take the opportunity to get a pic of one of our narnia-esque lamposts!

I've got a lot to go through (and haven't got the CD yet and wouldnt dream of subjecting anyone to all of em!) but here's a quick sample for those who had a vague interest in how the shoot went :o)







And because it made Geoff laugh, here's goth chick Stephie (for those who don't know me in person particularly... I usually look like the pic with Holly the kitty